Anybody ever struggle to figure out their purpose in life? I sure have! I am one of many passions, and so choosing one was a big struggle. Who doesn’t love to travel?
That’s a hypothetical question. I know people who don’t.
My passions are: travel, music (I play the violin), politics (yes, politics!), reading, writing, scrapbooking, and journaling; but most of all, I LOVE being a mom. When baby L was born, I found my purpose.
When they placed my baby cheek-to-cheek and I felt that warmth, something just clicked. I experienced a love like no other. I just knew being a mother was my “thing”.
We spent the best 12 weeks together after I gave birth!
Oh! Who am I kidding?! It was hard!
Starting with a baby who didn’t latch properly, to late night crying sessions (of both baby and mommy). I didn’t have a clue what I was doing and I was so sore from the c-section, that most of it is only a blur now.
Then the 12 weeks were over and I had to get back to work as that’s the most FMLA will provide job security for a mother in the United States (which, not surprisingly, applies to Puerto Rico).
Cue the waterworks!
No, but seriously Nobody ever warns you about that sinking feeling you’ll get when you’re in that last week and you know you’ll need to leave your defenseless baby with somebody else… which you may or may not know how they’ll be treating your baby.
Nobody ever tell you that you’ll be crying all the way to the caregiver’s place (house or daycare center), and then all the way to work.
And nobody certainly ever tells you that you will cry the second you punch into the clock at work and realize you’ll be separated from your baby for 8 hours… and then some (the drive back: a long commute that feels longer when you’re desperate to see your baby again).
Turns out I’m not the only one who feels that way. I found out in a Facebook post I wrote while trying to get it together at the wellness room at work. A group of amazing mommies came to my rescue.
But the weeks went by and that feeling didn’t go away. I felt I was cheating myself out of motherhood, having someone else raising my child. You know, he was spending more time with the caregiver than me. I dropped him off at 8:00 AM and got home at around 7:30-8:00 PM (depending on traffic). My baby also didn’t help as every night I could see his desperate face when I got home. I felt like I was a bad mom.
Then I snapped when I got home one night and my husband told me I had just missed him sitting up on his own for the very first time. I cried so much… inconsolably…
I missed one of my baby’s milestones!
So, I decided to take a leap of faith. I quit my job in February 2017 and never looked back. I am now a full-time mom and love it! Tell you what, it has been tough with only one income coming in, but I don’t regret it one bit. I haven’t missed any more of my baby’s firsts!
With all the spare time I have now since I don’t work full-time (Pfffft! Yeah… right! Who has spare time with a toddler around the house?), I decided to experiment with the passions I’ve had all my life but had to keep them as hobbies because I was busy “earning a living” with a job that just helped me pay the bills but didn’t bring me joy. I truly believe that your purpose in life is tide to your passions.
How about you? Did you experience the same thing when you got back to work? What did you do? Tell me about it in the comments section. I’d love to know how you coped with it.